East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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