textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
