I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
