considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im part way to drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
