i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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