I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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