i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
