are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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