Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize