Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
