So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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