I love black thongs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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