I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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