Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
