I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
