I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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