dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
