just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
