It's Friday. Sex?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
