dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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