So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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