im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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