I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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