I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
