So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
