Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
