I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
