Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
