Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
