Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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