6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
