im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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