she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
