Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, he came in my armpit
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
