if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
