I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
