She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
