I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
