During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
