so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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