Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
