I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
