Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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