I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
