oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
