I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
