i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
