I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
3 2 1 whiskey
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
