So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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