Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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