Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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