i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
