Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
