it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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