so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
