I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
