i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
