Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
