we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
