dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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