Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
