He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
nutella sex= disaster
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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