There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize