he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
