at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
