Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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