i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
