I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
