I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He did a backflip because drugs
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