your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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