you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
