when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
