oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
