are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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