so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
why is half of my head shaved?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
