I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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