I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
