found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
