For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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