I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
