She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
