Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
