you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize