he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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