I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
