I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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