and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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