Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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