you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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