Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
