we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
