i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
