Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
