Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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